King Stuart I – Exclusive Interview

King Stuart, fank you for giving Fluff magazine an exclusive first royal interview. How is you feeling after your Coronation?

Hiya Lenny, I is feeling pumped! Strong, magnificent, majestic.

What did you wear for your coronation?

I wears me existing crown for continuity, tradition and sentimental reasons. But I gets a new royal robe from the designer marketplace Amazon. It was purple wiv luxurious fake fur round the neck like wot kings wear. It wos a bit long to walk in but Bran lends me his SuperBran belt and that make me royal clobber just pawfect.

What did your ceremony comprise of?

I runs magnificently over to the bandstand where I inspected the crown jewels. I had a purple kong orb, a jewelled sceptre and my magnificent crown. Then the secret part of the ceremony happened. I swears my allegiance to my rescue and pledges to do wot I want when I want, to know my own mind and act like a King. Then they puts me crown on my head and I emerges the King of Dogs 4 Rescue.

How come you dressed up a lion?

The was my way of modernising a traditional ceremony. I likes to fink of myself as Lion King and I wanted to stand on the top of the hill and let effuryone hear my roar. My mane symbolises the power and strength I have wivin me to rule.

I notices some other doggies on your throne, is you sharing it?

Wot?! As if!!!! No way, its mine!!! There’s not enuf respect round here and I shall be having words. Someone had a good nibble of the arms too and it had to be repainted. But I am fankful the cushion pad has not exploded like some of the sofas round here.

Your coronation cake was mahoosive. And very tasty. Who made it?

It was made by our suppawter Nadia. I sends her a brief which was loads of sausages, mash potato as icing, and make it big enuf to be a feast for all. I was meant to wait for a slice to be cut but when they wasn’t looking I goes round the back and helps meself. Totally deeeelicious.

How did you come to be at Dogs 4 Rescue?

 I was a tuff street dog in Romania for 10 years and some of the locals finks the dog catcher might catch me so they asks Em if she would take me. Em thought she was getting an old boy who would be easy to rehome. But I has other ideas. So when I went on foster when it came to dusk I just goes crazies wrecking every house like a wild animal trying to escape. And then they rings Em and say I need to bring Stuart back right now! After a few times I gets wot I wanted and becomes a sanctuary dog.

What is your goals for your reign?

I is a top businessdog and I wants to get the interiors sorted for the new dog log cabin at our new site Rescue World. I going to be moving there to my new royal residence (a little lodge which shall be known Stuart’s Palace) but I needs to get effuryfink sorted for the other doggies so they can move in. After that might has meself a relaxing summer at me new residence!

Fank you King Stuart for this interview. Can I have a bit more cake?

Yeah no worries Lenny. Just make sure there’s a big slice left wiv my name on it!